So while my headache is going away and my fever is going down, I've traded those in for some new ones. Namely, I have a sharp shoulder pain when I breathe, cough, or try to get out of bed. Nothing like getting your almost-retirement age hospital staffer to help you get out of bed.
Ok, literally after I finished writing the last sentence, I must have closed my eyes because I was back in my old room watching A Scanner Darkly. When I opened my eyes again it was really disconcerting.
Oh, and I'm not allowed to leave my room anymore so I've got swelling in my legs and feet. The only remedy for this the hospital seems aware of is to make me pee more. I'm really not a fan of that. How about they stick me in a bubble? That way I couldn't hurt anyone, and no one could hurt me. I'd be rolling around this floor like crazy.
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If you are reading this and have not heard the news, Jesse had a brain hemorrhage on Monday and is fighting for his life at the moment. Knowing Jesse, fighting is the operative word, but he needs your wishes, prayers and positive engergy. If you want more information, respond to this message and let me know how to get in touch with you.
UPDATE:
Jesse is in critical stable condition. He's holding his own for the moment and his inter-cranial pressure is down, but he's not "out of the woods yet," as the docs are so fond of saying. The good news is that today for the first time since the hemorrhage occured they were able to do an MRI and found no evidence of strokes, one of the biggest concerns. Jesse is heavily sedated in order to give his brain the best chance to mend itself. He is not aware of what is going on and his doctors have promised that he is not feeling any pain. (If you know Jesse, you'll appreciate that that's big!)
Times like this make us feel helpless, but there is something you can do if you are in New York City. Jesse is consuming volumes of blood products. Donors are needed to keep the supply up. If you can do it, please go to Memorial Sloan Kettering on 67th and York and donate blood (any blood type) in the name of Jesse Smith.
So anyone who reads this knows, Jesse passed away earlier today. I am sure he knows how much everyone loved him, and is at peace now.
My condolences to Jesse's family and all his friends.
This is Jesse's mom. I just wanted to let everyone know that Jesse's stepdad and I have set up a fund in his name at Fordham law school, called the Jesse Keller Smith fund. We'll ensure that it goes toward furthering Jesse's often stated goal of finding ways to help children who have found themselves in the legal system. More on the full information once we have it finalized, but we are considering either an annual need/merit/goal based scholarship, or an annual lecture series on the subject.
Those who wish to contribute to the Fund should e-mail or call Daria Moringiello, as she will ensure that the contributions are designated in the Jesse Keller Smith Fund.
Contributors should make their checks payable to Fordham Law School; if they could--in the memo section of the check--write "Jesse Keller Smith", that would be helpful--or, they could just write it on a sheet of paper with the check. You can also contribute by credit card. The fund is nonprofit and tax deductible.
Daria's direct dial is: 212-636-7612
Her e-mail is: MORINGIELLO@law.fordham.edu
Life is not fair, and if we ever needed proof, here it is. Jesse's was an incredible blog, and though written under the most miserable circumstances, those of us who never knew him or his family can see what a marvelous person he was, what a great mind and spirit he had.
Burying a grandparent or parent is hard enough, but burying a child is simply awful. Even if you *know* your child would want you to get over it, to move on, it's simply impossible. You can't wake up each day and ask, "When will I get over this?" because the answer is never.
At the same time, you know that nothing would make your child feel worse, were he still here, than to have his death ruin your life. So you have to try to reach an equilibrium that allows you to go on, even if he can't. You can't live his unlived life for him. You have to live yours. And you know the last thing he would want would be for grief over his death to cause you to lose your grasp on yours.
Do your best. You're still alive, so make sure you live. Not just for Jesse, but for yourself.
All best,
Mike C
just wanted to say i my condolenses to jesse's family. even though i knew nothing about him happen to land on his blog and wanted to leave a note....Rest in peace
Jesse Smith has actually been a central figure to my life thus far. I maintained email contact with him, but only found out about his death a few days ago. I found this blog doing a google search for his name, and it made me very happy to know that his presence is still out there.
When Jesse was going to school at U of M, he was also the Debate coach at my High School. Even after the season was over, he continued to volunteer time to meet with us and discuss matters both of debate and of current events in general.
Apart from teaching me everything I know now about debate, Jesse really brought me into the world of both current politics and modern philosophy. He really changed the way I looked at morality, life, and the world around me, and I know he did the same for the others in CHS Debate.
His intelligence, sense of humor, and personality are nothing short of legendary, and he will be missed by all of us.
Jesse, I miss you so much. I know that you cant read this, but I check this blog everyday because it makes things feel almost normal. I know that you are no longer suffering, and I hope you are in a better place, but the selfish part of me just wishes you were here. I miss your wry, sarcastic sense of humor, your knowing smile and your genuine laughter. I miss hearing about your new experiences in law school, and commiserating with you about how trying it can be. I miss you everyday, and I really hope you know how much you really and truly meant to people.
I love you, and always will.
Me too! I check back here often, and I check to see if the comments have changed to see if others out there are doing the same. I wish I could tell Jesse how much he inspired me. There will always be something missing without you around, so many people love you so much and miss you every day.
Thank you for leaving a comment, you two. I miss Jesse so much, and seeing comments from people who knew him makes me feel a little closer to him, for a little while.
I still can't believe he's gone forever.
We all miss you very much. I just want you to know that everyone is thinking about you.
I hope you all know that we feel you are part of our family now. My heart goes out to each of you as you go on with your lives. Always feel free to contact me or the rest of Jesse's family whenever you need or want to talk.
With love,
Jesse's Mom
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