Tuesday, January 23, 2007

Day 8 part 3

For the record: Total props to Gina for the LEM nickname. Maybe I'll come up with a "Jesse's blog assistance award."

More about little european man:

He has now officially left. As he was leaving he made a valiant effort to say something to me (I'm not sure what language he was aiming for) and eventually managed "you home soon." Sweet of him. He may have meant that, since he knows I'm going to be here throughout all eternity, he's going to have his eastern european mafia friends raid my home soon. He may have meant that he's going to burn down this damn hospital so I'll be going home before I expect. There are many things he may have meant, but I choose to think he meant that he's going to move in with me after I get out of here. The reason I'm hoping for this is as follows:

Little European man (LEM) timeline:
day 1: LEM arrives and settles in. His wife stays over with him that night which is sweet, but between the two of them the snoring probably could have brought the building down.
Also, I'm informed that LEM has pneumonia. This is super fun in and of itself, but it's also the case that my immune system ain't workin too good, I can't even leave my room without a mask on and no one is allowed to visit me without wearing one. But the guy next to me has pneumonia. What might a doctor say about this? Well she said that pneumonia won't cross the curtain (presumably she means the one between me and LEM's beds). I find that odd. Does she really mean that pneumonia as a disease was conquered by the advent of the curtain? Additionally, this worries me because the bathroom is on my side of the room, as is the exit, so he has to walk past me all the time. Not even a really really impressive curtain could protect me from that.

I can't remember any more specific days, but these are other things that happened:
LEM's wife doesn't stay over one night, and I realize that 90% of the olympic, epic, beyond thunderdome snoring that is being done is by LEM's wife (who is easily 3 times LEM's mass, speaks his mystery language, and is apparently quite dedicated to the little man).
LEM doesn't bother walking to the bathroom. He prefers the little bedpans. That's fun to listen to.
Other things LEM does that are fun to listen to: This 5 foot tall man coughs. I don't mean coughs the way that your average human being coughs. I mean LEM coughs like satan himself (or a really up-there lesser demon) has not only become lodged in LEM's throat, but is currently holding on for dear life to stay in there and has summoned his demon armies to assist him. Apparently LEM also has a spitoon for whatever lesser demons he manages to shake loose. We're in a hospital and the man has a spitoon.
LEM also mumbles in his sleep. It's kinda cute cause he's tiny and weird, but I can't even come close to understanding what he's saying when he's conscious. And I don't think he'd appreciate it if I walked over there and started petting him. Then again....


Anonymous said...

I think I just shit my pants from laughing so hard... but I wasn't able to grab LEM's bedpan first... so now I need to go clean up. Keeps the laughs coming kiddo :-)

Gina said...

You really should credit ME for giving LEM his nickname LEM.